Melania Mon Amour

The reviews of Melania (Amazon MGM Studios), still playing at bat caves across the country, constituted a massacre. The blue meanies were out in force. “An abomination,” recoiled the Daily Beast. “A disgrace,” decreed The Atlantic. The Guardian clocked it as two hours of “pure, endless hell.” Collectively, Melania registered a loud splat on Rotten Tomatoes, with a measly aggregated score of 7 percent. (Even the woebegone Ella McCay got a charitable 23 percent.)