I Coulda Guessed Half of That

When I was a young boy, I’d sit in the backseat of my parents’ car as we passed the Limerick city Garda station. In front of this station is an old statue of a robed man clutching his head, which seems to be at once melting and splitting into three other heads. One time as we passed this statue I asked my parents who it was that was being depicted, and my mother answered, That’s what’ll happen to you if you think about that statue too long. After that moment, I was terrified of stumbling on a thought that featured the man in the statue, lest my head melt as well. Years later, I learned about physiognomy — the archaic theory that a person’s thoughts and feelings could affect the development of their facial features and reflect them like a seismograph. Think happy thoughts, have happy looks. So now it’s Today A.D., and I’m quite terrified of stumbling upon people who embody negative thoughts. Well if ever there was a man with an appearance that embodied negative thoughts, that man would be Harvey Pekar.