A Pugnacious Defense of Purple Prose

I have been subpoenaed by the Republic of Letters to make a spirited defense of “maximalism” and “purple prose,” two arbitrary and meaningless pigeon holes I’ve supposedly been smoked out of by both “critics” and “fans” since my debut into the wet swaddling blanket of American awareness last Christmas. How I’ve come to occupy two hideouts at one time I leave to quantum physicists and imbeciles with double vision.