About a month ago, I received an email from a reader named James. He had just finished my New York Times op-ed “Have More Sex,” and took issue with what the piece hadn’t said.
“My one problem with the article is the 800 lb. gorilla in the room (or article, in this case) that you glaringly avoided to mention. That is.......women control sex! There, I said it, why can't you, or anybody for that matter?” James asked.
“We all know it but no one will actually say it,” his email continues. “And why not say it? Because it reflects the reality of the power that women hold? And to openly state that would somehow disrupt the comfortable narrative we all maintain that men are the power-bullies in this world and women are the victims of that power narrative? It might put women in a poor light? That it is somehow anti-women.....anti-feminism?”
Fine, I will say it: women control sex. Specifically, they primarily control when consensual, heterosexual sex takes place. It’s not a scary thing to confront at all — the reason it often goes unsaid is because it’s obvious.
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