Give Me Ana Marie Cox's Contract

What were they thinking?

That's the only rational reaction to the news that Penguin publishers was paying Ana Marie Cox $81,250 for a book on "a humorous examination of the next generation of political activists." Actually, Penguin's final price for the book was $325,000. The $81,250 was the advance, paid up front to encourage Cox to finish the book.

It's been a few years and Cox has not finished the book, and now Penguin is suing to get their advance back, plus $50,000 in interest.

But honestly, what the hell was Penguin thinking? Cox became a political analyst because she scandalized squares in Washington by making dick jokes as the editor of Wonkette. That's it. Her first book, the 2006 novel Dog Days, didn't come close to earning back its $275,000 price tag. If Penguin can't do research and basic math, they deserve to lose their shirts.

I was once told by none other than Anne Rice that if I ever had to opportunity for a big advance on a book, I should turn it down and ask for a smaller one. The thinking is obvious and sound: with a smaller advance, particularly in the age of e publishing and diminishing expectations among publishers, there's not nearly as much pressure to deliver a blockbuster.

That way, you can write the book you want. If the book doesn't do well, the publisher hasn't lost a huge pile of money. If it does great, everybody wins.

In either case, it helps if the author goes in with a good idea. It's astounding to me that Cox actually sold the idea of a book about "the next generation of political activists." Was there an outline? A sample chapter? I've turned her concept over in my mind and no matter how I approach it I simply cannot make the idea interesting.

It's not an idea that has absolutely no potential whatsoever. I can see reading it as an article in, say, Politico. But a 300 page book?

What was Penguin thinking? I can only guess that because Cox has a massive twitter following, the editors at Penguin thought it would translate into book sales. This is like giving a band a lucrative record contract without knowing if the members know how to play. Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

If you're going to pay that much money for a one-sentence idea, best to make sure that the idea is a strong one. For the past year I've been working on a novel about a guy who is cheesed off at the media decides to kill journalists if they make more than three mistakes. He monitors their articles and broadcasts and on the third mistake, he hunts them down and kills them

You could sell the idea to Hollywood in about five minutes. You can instantly visualize the story, the suspense of the journalists who become more and more obsessive about fact-checking their copy and their live broadcast. Of course, the deeper point would be about the evil and stupidity of killing, how what seems to a troubled mind like the solution to a problem can usually end badly. I don't claim that Dead Line is high art, but I do think it could earn back a reasonable advance and go on to be a successful film. Right now I'm negotiating to have it serialized on Liberty Island, unless a publisher shows interest before then.

I also know that I could finish the thing for a fraction of what Cox has gotten -- hell, for the interest on what she has gotten. But then, I didn't go on Rachel Maddow and make double-entendre "tea bagging" jokes for five minutes. I didn't create a juvenile, Kardashianesque frisson that was cute for about three days ten years ago and has proven to be much more Katie Perry than Gore Vidal. Like, OMG.

I also haven't had a lot of editors like the ones at Penguin, who are idiots.